"Timothy, would you mind reading us the answer to number one?"

To the Curriculum Writers,

Have you ever met a fifth grader?

Sincerely,

Mr. H

Monday Morning

Me: "Is your eye okay? It looks swollen."

Student: "My mom's friend's dog kicked me in the eye. It hurts."

Me: (Thinking back to emergency protocol for this type of situation) "Go splash some water on it."